Viagra's Other Side Effect: Upsets in Many a Marriage

On the one hand you say you love Bill yet you proffer not a single reason to support this claim.

When you are deciding, keep the following in mind: At the time of the marriage the youngest man was 19 years old and the youngest bride was 19 years old too; the oldest man was 44. Knowing this can help you relax and appreciate your relationship in new light. Smoking can increase the risk of impotence, literature regarding smoking and impotence describes various mechanisms for the link. ” However, for some men, these jitters lead to a host of sexual issues, such as premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, or erectile dysfunction. I had to bring the conversation up.

Less than a third of men will experience pain and bruising as a result of using a vacuum pump. ” (Woman, aged 15–34). Many women with sexual dysfunction are also referred to a counselor or sex therapist. The path to preserving your marriage—and experiencing greater intimacy than before—starts with acceptance, the last stage of the loss process. One leading physical cause of ED is continual or severe damage taken to the nervi erigentes. It doesn’t mean love has left the equation. If tests prove your spouse is unable to have sex—or if your spouse refuses the tests—the judge may grant your divorce, but can’t require your spouse to undergo treatment. This drug causes a large amount of blood to go into the tissues in the penis, resulting in an erection that lasts one to two hours.

  • These are mismatched priorities that can lead to big problems in the bedroom.
  • I'm still waiting for that man.
  • ED, or erectile dysfunction, is medically defined as the inability to achieve or sustain an erection long enough for sexual intercourse.
  • A two-parent family may be the ideal but two parents at war are far from ideal.
  • Examples of this medication are Viagra, Cialis and Levitra.

Though this obviously affects their sex life, it can also carry over into the rest of their relationship. Relationship issues can contribute to ED – the brain is the most powerful sexual organ, and certainly that’s a part of it. Men's sexual health, this anxiety can be enough to stop you getting an erection next time, leading to more anxiety. Research into the male perspective on sexless marriage shows that one-third of men blame their slumping sex drive on their wives having gained too much weight (two-thirds say their partner is not sexually adventurous enough). Physical factors that can lead to sexual dysfunctions include the use of drugs, such as alcohol, nicotine, narcotics, stimulants, antihypertensives, antihistamines, and some psychotherapeutic drugs.

  • From the experiences specific difficulties could be determined and approached with a specific therapy.
  • An erection problem is the inability to sustain an erection which is good enough for a man to achieve penetration or orgasm, explains Dr Anand Patel, GP and specialist in sexual function.
  • It is a common problem, affecting at least one in ten men across all ages in all countries.
  • What should I do?
  • With long- term problems it's found that many cases of impotence have a medical basis, so partners are often right to worry that their men are ill.

Attachment Preview

Although many women -- and men as well -- continue to view ED as a sexual issue, in truth, the most common causes are undiagnosed physical conditions such as diabetes, high cholesterol, or even the earliest stages of heart disease. These women believed the situation gave them the privilege of focusing on other family issues, friends, and their careers. This creates an environment in which it can be difficult for any marriage to survive. Other comments supporting this response showed that “keeping to oneself (on the issue) is the best option”.

In my fantasy, I entered our room and my husband embraced me tightly, smothered me with kisses and passionately made love all night.

Results and Discussion

I went into his room and locked the door and he almost jumped from his bed. Some suggestions offered by participants include, spiritual assistance, ‘mandating’ the family doctor to perform medical tests and reducing the consumption of certain food or alcohol. I’m not talking about dysfunction alone; I’m speaking of the loss of intimacy and desire.

However, do identify properly that occasional lack of sexual desire may be due to a medical condition, desire to remain abstinent until marriage, fear of intimacy or fear of embarrassment. This could be very effective and last for about half an hour. But more generalized symptoms may occur as well, including decreased overall energy, depression, a reduction in muscle mass and strength, and anemia (low red blood cell count). The next morning we sat down and had a serious talk. I became bold and went closer to touch his penis. Forget about the husband for now and go and speak to a professional fast.

  • No, you just have to stay for the sake of your children” ( Woman, aged 15–34).
  • Let your man know that you still love him no matter what.
  • Have you been affected by this story and would like to find out more information on the causes and treatments available for impotency?
  • Impotence can be a side effect of the medication your partner are eating when suffering a certain type of sickness.
  • I’ve put on a bit of a spare tyre, but that shouldn’t matter when a couple has a back story as long and deep as ours.
  • There are various underlying causes, such as damage to the nervi erigentes which prevents or delays erection, or diabetes as well as cardiovascular disease, which simply decreases blood flow to the tissue in the penis, many of which are medically reversible.


One couple came to me saying they had no sex life and yet they were sitting close, making eye contact, flirting and talking about things they used to do in bed. I entered the room, holding a customary glass of milk, keeping my face down. Erectile dysfunction (ed), sometimes, a minor erection issue could be a sign that you’re headed towards disaster in the sack. Supporters contributing $20+ (monthly) will receive a copy of founder Sonya Renee Taylor’s book, The Body is Not An Apology: I tried it, but it didn't work. Does your husband, despite his good cheer on the surface, feel that emotional intimacy has been lost? This makes your heart happy, too. Not all the treatments are acceptable to all couples and it is therefore important that you discuss with your partner the treatments offered and come to a decision together which seems the most appropriate for you both.

The disease is characterized by thick fibrous bands in the penis which leads to a deformed-looking penis. I have written a book about my prostate cancer and impotence. McCullough agrees: We have been married 15 years (we have two kids, who are teenagers), a dog and cat. Some women feel responsible for the problem:

Respond to Anonymous:

ED can create a heavy burden on a man to have an erection, and he may become less likely to initiate sex because he’s nervous or doesn’t want to have that problem again. The first step to overcoming impotence is to face up to the problem and discuss it as openly as possible. Two years ago, I started taking oestrogen tablets, which have killed my libido completely. He would yell, and get angry and defensive when I brought it up. Our data do not agree with those of the general population, and suggest that UM could depend on a personal history of sexual difficulties. As for being kicked out of your house, does he expect the laws of cause and effect to be suspended just for him? Your partner wants to have a fulfilling intimate relationship with you. And when things start to go wrong, there’s often a vicious cycle that starts, where they get so worried that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and then these husbands stop wanting sex altogether.


The doctor will then treat the erectile dysfunction directly. You should talk to your doctor about possible treatments. Possible underlying reasons include: Erectile dysfunction can cause the sexual aspect of a relationship to dwindle and finally disappear. What is more, a couple used to not having sex may be out of practice in the language and gestures of sexual intimacy.

He was then told to stop all caressing and touching for 10 weeks and then gradually to start massaging each other. Or rather, a huge disappointment. His affair with that woman only lasted for 2 weeks because the girl was only on vacation in Philippines and had to return to Miami where she and her family are based. This consideration underlines that the role of the male in UM is underestimated: The couple can stop communicating altogether -- not only in the bedroom, but in all aspects of their relationship. What are Possible Causes of Honeymoon Impotence? Your immediate thought might be that you’re the cause of his inability to get an erection. According to Health24, the most common cause of erectile dysfunction (ED) is damage to arteries, smooth muscles and fibrous tissues.

The optimal erection that men should strive to achieve to enjoy sex thoroughly is when the penis is completely hard, with the rigidity comparable to the cucumber (Although some may like to be described as man of steel). A far more empowering choice is to define who they are as men by how deeply they connect with and gratify their partner in ways they prefer. I would never say that in front of Keith, and even now that we've gotten to a place where we can discuss what's been going on for the past two years, I still wouldn't use the term "erectile dysfunction. "The strange and awfully ironic thing is that when I speak to most of my close girlfriends they don’t seem to want sex, and have no desire to have sex, unless it's a 'special occasion' like birthdays or Christmas. Issues of shame, safety, power inequities, performance pressures, unforgiveness, and many other factors can create chronic sexual problems in a marriage. Sometimes, it’s about the larger picture. But it’s certainly not a normal part of aging. Lifestyle changes such as discontinuing smoking, drug or alcohol abuse can also help in some types of erectile dysfunction.

Oral Medications

Though many women are understanding, they can also feel disappointed or even frustrated physically and miss the intimacy emotionally, said Watson. Is my weight the reason for my family not being able to find me a match for marriage? Also, I would feel guilty being with another man even though my husband said I could do it one time. Although I trust my husband explicitly, I sometime think he may have another relationship outside our marriage and does not find me attractive anymore. Once again, he becomes discouraged and either sexually withdraws from his partner or becomes angry and lashes out at her.

But better genital function alone will not solve problems lying dormant in your relationship. A reader whose husband has erectile dysfunction contacted us this week. From the start, our relationship was always very passionate, but as we entered our late 50s—I’m 56 and Keith is 59—our sex life slowed down. Participants believed health personnel were trained to be discreet. We have always been open and very honest with each other, and had known there was a chance this would happen. “You can’t hide from those who [can] deliver you” ( Woman, aged 35–50).

Have a heart-to-heart talk with him and let him know that you are prepared to set the appointment and even accompany him to the doctor. Primary themes and sub-themes of coping strategies included seeking support from family doctors, seeking support from community leaders, resignation to fate, changes in sexual behavior and an intention to divorce, as depicted in Fig. I am curious about casual relationships, but I fear they wouldn't stay casual. Consider the scenario when a couple first receives the news that the man has prostate cancer. In certain states, a judge won’t grant a divorce due to impotence unless you can prove that your spouse's inability to have sex is permanent and incurable. In fact, according to researchers, approximately 28% of men with honeymoon impotence experience it because of a physical reason – not because of performance anxiety. We discovered that impotence is not the end of sexual intimacy. Unfortunately, experts say a lack of education about the causes of ED are frequently behind a woman's self-blame, as well as her increasing anxiety, and sometimes, even feelings of hurt and anger when the problem occurs.

  • I was 35 and I was a virgin.
  • What if medications aren’t the answer?
  • The high prevalence rate of sexual dysfunction observed in the wives is however in agreement with the findings of Frank et al.
  • In the fast paced urban lifestyle, it is not uncommon for young men who face the challenges of work and family pressure, to encounter occasional obstacles to "rise to the occasion" in the bedroom.
  • Sexual problems were merely symptoms of a deeper malaise and the diagnostic approach was from the psychopathological.
  • Many drugs, including some for high blood pressure, diabetes, and cancer, can also contribute to ED.
  • But it's a woman's despair especially because, says Fiona Hanlock, very often there is much more lost than just the obvious.


He doesn’t want to be viewed by you as a failure, especially not in the area of the relationship and he doesn’t want to view himself as a failure. Finally, when I turned 35, a man in his early 40s came forward to marry me. It seems likely that sexual dysfunction and a disorder in any of the subscales in one partner might elicit a reduction in sexual function in the other partner which could lead to marital problems.


Is he using porn to ease his sexual frustration? The big issue is that he will barely discuss it with me. 503 first byte timeout, have a tight foreskin. My husband's family was shameless and they accused me of adultery to hide the real reason behind our marriage breaking down. It’s homework. However, many studies, including Hayes and Dennerstein's critical review, have demonstrated that aging has a powerful impact on sexual function and dysfunction in women, specifically in the areas of desire, sexual interest, and frequency of orgasm. I think I am a relatively attractive woman for my age, and want to be attractive for him. Another female sexual pain disorder is called vulvodynia or vulvar vestibulitis.

It also helps when you have erection problems that are not due to physical or drug problems, or premature ejaculation (you come too quickly). LoPiccolo and Steger, [34] found that males acceptance of their wives sexual pleasure was more important to couples overall satisfaction with the sexual relationship than females acceptance of their husbands sexual pleasure. It’s not desire. But, sadly, my condition was to become much worse after I was put on hormone therapy to maintain the remission of the cancer. “You remain silent over it”, “[…] it is not a subject of discussion with your neighbours”. According to the University of Wisconsin, around 5 percent of men in the United States that are over 40 years old have complete erectile dysfunction (ED). Annually, over one million men worldwide receive a diagnosis of prostate cancer and more than 300,000 will lose their lives to it. Most men equate impotence with a loss of their masculinity.


Among women who preferred to stay married, they explained this choice based on the desire for children and economic reasons. It can encourage good sleep as well. In fact, the first thing a woman thinks when a man can't get an erection is that it's her fault, and nothing could be further from the truth," says Andrew McCullough, MD, director of sexual health and male infertility at NYU Medical Center in New York City. "You’re having a great time in bed. It is crucial for your continued mutual sexual fulfillment to explore the many other ways of experiencing sexual intimacy beyond standard erectile-dependent, penetrative sex. In most cases UM is assessed as an individual failure and too often it is attributed to women.

Valve problems unrelated to heart disease can also lead to a weakening of erections because of a backwash of blood. Whether to separate is a momentous decision but a decision to stay can be no less so. 4 couples (16%) less than 12 months, 10 couples (42%) between 13 and 36 months and 10 couples (42%) over 36 months.

Regional Websites

Unfortunately, these conversations often begin just as a visit for some other problem is wrapping up. Into their 90s? This is because couples therapy teaches practical skills for improving the relationship and as long as you realize the goal isn't to change your partner, but to gain insight into your role in the dysfunctional pattern, the marriage has more than a fighting chance to succeed. I was very confused whether this was the real size of a penis? A few women indicated that it is dangerous to remain married to an impotent man: Therapy is where many couples dealing with impotence belong, even if they use Viagra, many doctors say. Impotence is common, but there are some medical interventions that could come to the rescue.

Dr George Lee

It was held with psychopathology and approached with a certain pessimism regarding the chance of help or improvement. So, if you tend to put a lot of pressure on yourself when it comes to these things you might be at a higher risk. Kegels exercises for men don't actually help with erections. A popular response from participants was that sexual disorders and/or infidelity underlay most domestic quarrels, but that these could be curtailed if the wife appropriately managed the situation. I began to understand that he was impotent and that doctors had told him this before we got married but he and his parents had kept me in the dark. Testosterone treatment for reasons other than possible improvement of sexual dysfunction may not be recommended. Honeymoon impotence can be quite a downer, especially if you have waited months or years to have sex for the first time.

When between the sheets: The common risk factors for atherosclerosis, including hypertension (high blood pressure), elevated cholesterol levels, diabetes, and cigarette smoking, are themselves associated with erection problems, and ED may be the first indication that a man has this common condition. You may be impotent because of a hormone problem. Goodrx, you can achieve this by stopping mid-stream two or three times the next time you urinate. Your relationship status is happy.

Recommended for You

We are way passed the point of saying, "Oh well, it happens to men sometimes". This is a true life-story of a woman who lives in southern India as told to BBC reporter Aishwarya Ravishankar. Impotence can also happen if there are psychological factors at play. To get the sex, intimacy, desire, and passion many of us want, there is a lot of growing up to do. They assume that I left my husband only because I was not satisfied sexually and so sex is all they want from me. These medications should be avoided if a person has the following conditions: Until then I satisfy myself by having private conversations with my friends about their sexual life. Share on Pinterest A doctor may prescribe oral medication to treat erectile dysfunction.

A medical professional can help determine the root cause and advise a course of treatment. When in actual fact, men who suffer with ED often become very anxious about letting their partners down, so they then withdraw from sex. This could therefore play a central role in the development and maintenance of sexual dysfunction disorders in the various subscales of the GRISS. The fourth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders lists the following sexual dysfunctions: A number of coping strategies to prevent, stem conflict or decrease escalation to divorce/separation were described in the FGDs. It was the result of over a decade of work at the Reproductive Biology Research Foundation in St. This is not an indication of a security issue such as a virus or attack.

If your partner suffers from ED, don't put pressure on them and be as supportive as possible. Though this explanation gave me a sense of temporary relief, I couldn't stop thinking about it. Impotence is a difficult issue but it can be managed. I wax regularly, keep fit, go to the hairdressers, try to maintain some personal style and sexiness. If you have a medical condition, you will need to discuss it with your doctor. Have a few more conversations about your sex life instead and address nonmonogamy/openness generally, not nonmonogamy/openness as a work-around for his dick. Whenever I think about sex, websites are my best friends.


Communication has long been considered important to sexual satisfaction and adjustment [43–45]. You care about your marriage and have a strong “back story”, so use those strengths to overcome this. It is most unfortunate that your husband chose to be more than economical with the truth and misled you to believe that he was ready and capable to start a family. Besides the natural way of curing ED through trustable herbs supplements and seeking medical treatment, the easiest way that you can do is to make your presence felt when your partner is in times of need. 3, 14 men (58%) and 13 women (54%) declared the consultation of scientific informative sources in the past.

It is now mostly replaced by more precise terms.

Need some help growing into your own self love? We saw a marriage counselor and she suggested that having intercourse isn't the only way to be intimate with your partner. Help them to find out what really might be causing it. Are statins good for your love life?, on the other hand, men who do see the doctor can be so focused on their distress in the bedroom that they fail to mention other worrying symptoms, says Blaha. Click 'I agree' to allow Verizon Media and our partners to use cookies and similar technologies to access your device and use your data (including location) to understand your interests, and provide and measure personalised ads.

© 2013-2020